Am I incorrect for pondering it is a deal-breaker?
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Expensive James,
I’m a 73-old-woman who has been relationship a person of the identical age. We get alongside famously aside from one downside: His earlier girlfriend nonetheless lives in his dwelling, which he left to permit her to proceed dwelling there. For greater than a yr, he has been staying at a pal’s second dwelling, however now it’s time for him to return to his personal home. This implies he’ll quickly be dwelling together with his ex, as he refuses to alter the scenario. Why? Her monetary scenario will not be good, and he feels responsible. He doesn’t appear to grasp why I’d have an issue with any of this, as he professes to be in love with me. However I don’t assume I can proceed this relationship so long as he’s dwelling together with his outdated girlfriend. Am I being unreasonable?
Expensive Reader,
Effectively, folks come to all kinds of bonkers preparations to get by way of this life collectively, don’t they? Two within the basement, one within the attic; three days on this condo, 4 in that; I’ll take the sofa, you are taking the mattress, she’ll transfer to Sweden, and the canine can sleep the place he likes. However for the bonkers association to work, all events have to subscribe to kind of the identical model of actuality.
Which isn’t the case right here. You and your boyfriend—and I’m portray a pleasant, probably fully misguided, image of him in my thoughts: a hater of change, a pleaser of individuals, a postponer of choices, slothful, benevolent, a person after my very own coronary heart, actually—have reached the outdated Frostian fork, the place the place the 2 roads diverge.
Why can’t all of us simply get alongside? he needs to know. You, me, my ex-girlfriend, and the mailman who stops in for tea. What’s so difficult about that?
However to you, it’s insanity. His ex-girlfriend? Dwelling with him in his home? Sharing a house with him, a home area that also has bits of their outdated relationship mendacity round in it like used automotive elements, a carburetor right here and a windshield wiper there? It’s an insupportable scenario. And I feel you need to belief your self right here. Your boyfriend is appearing up. He says he’s in love with you, however he’s not doing an excellent job of listening to you—listening to you, as the youngsters say.
My recommendation: Kick him round a bit, metaphorically talking. He could have developed thick, woolly layers of insulation round his mind to guard him from the painfulness and problem of life. You could penetrate them, batter or needle your approach by way of them. Assist him perceive how foolish he’s being. He’ll get it, ultimately, or he received’t. And if he doesn’t, you’ll know what to do.
Dancing from one problem to a different,
James
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