Scent the ocean and really feel the Sky.
Let your soul and spirit fly.
. – Van Morrison
I ponder typically, did my mom know that twenty years later at the present time would nonetheless depart its indelible mark on my coronary heart? Did she know that twenty years later the reminiscence could be nonetheless be held within the palms of my soul? Did my mom know that twenty years later, the disappointment of at the present time would nonetheless quietly sit inside my bones?
I ponder if she knew?
Every year, I can’t imagine that one other has passed by. Her loss was yesterday. And likewise her loss was without end in the past. The reminiscence of my mom is all the time recent in my thoughts. And but the reminiscence of my mom is all the time so distant, typically I ponder if she had been ever right here in any respect.
It’s humorous how the dichotomy of my sense of her loss can nonetheless dictate how I really feel. It’s typically troublesome for me to are inclined to this grief, when one second I really feel a method, and moments later I really feel one other.
Twenty years in the past I used to be at a loss as to how you can go on. Did she know, after we scattered her ashes at sea, that it might be the exact same sea that might save me?
Did my mom know that Mary would drag me by the ear and demand that I step into the water in an effort to let it carry me?
Twenty years in the past did my mom know that right now I would let Mary take me to the water once more?
I ponder if my mom knew?
My mom might by no means swim. Water was too overwhelming and huge for her.
At present I’ll stand on the water’s edge and remind her, and myself, that overwhelming and huge issues could be therapeutic too.
I imagine that’s the reason I used to be led to the ocean within the days after my mom died. I feel her spirit was with me twenty years in the past. I imagine that within the days after my mom died, her hand was nonetheless in mine. Maybe that’s the reason I used to be led to the ocean, the identical ocean the place her ashes had been scattered, the identical overwhelming, huge, and therapeutic ocean.
Twenty years in the past, I feel my mom knew.
El Collie ~ November 4, 1947 ~ April 17, 2002
